Potty talk...

Ok - I just can't stand it anymore.

One of my fondest memories is of Pink at about.... 4ishorso...
She went into the stall at whatever women's restroom we were at -
& came out just totally terrorized.
Ok - - that does tell you too much about my mothering...
The toilet was the first self-flushing one either of us had ever encountered. I wondered if she'd ever use a public toilet again, but being the strong, trooper that my daughter is - I only had to assure her for several years that 'no- this is not one of the toilets that will try to eat you'.

Now - that brings me to my current potty problem.
There are two - yes - two toilets at work that I'm having issues with.
I mean - REALLY! What is with these toilets that flush when you breath - giving one what I can only imagine is a poor imitation of a bidet - but then it won't flush when you get up?!?!?! No amount of jumping, dancing, spinning cussing or pounding that stupid little button makes any difference.
It's downright humiliating...

I'm being outsmarted by toilets.

Good Family ~ Good Friends ~ Good Therapy

There is no better therapy than time spent with good family & good friends.

I simply cannot tell you how grateful I am for the family & friends
that are holding me up & pushing me forward right now.

They give me poems that remind me...

Procrastination

Through the long years, I've thought many times
of leaving - - getting out.
In my own mind, I've sworn I'd pack
next Monday, or payday, or when school is out,
after the holidays, for sure.

I've told myself I cannot stand
any more hurts,
nights of waiting,
name calling,
threats,
& veiled hate on both sides.

I'll be cool & calm, refuse to fight,
till I can go.

But time & again
my fickle heart betrays me,
& I wake up each anniversary
& find myself
still here.

Things that say:
Martha Stewart does NOT live here!

&

Explain to me again why I need a man

&

There are days
I drop words of comfort
on myself like falling rain
& remember it is enough
to be taken care of by my self.

&

Just when the caterpillar thought her world was over....
She became a butterfly

They give me words of encouragement & comfort -
We can do this - You can do this
You'll be ok.
Once you get through this, you'll be better off.
You are already are better off.
I love you.
Keep breathing.
You only have to do today.
Some things don't need to be fixed, they need to be changed.
They call him names.
They swear.
When I am broken, they carry my anger.
When I am furious, they carry my pain.
They say 'come on, lets get out'
They help me plan.
They help me dream.
They help me decorate.
They tell me to forgive.
They tell me to get mad.
They tell me it's all ok.
They tell me he'll regret this.
They help me see my life is not over.
They ask me - over & over how I am...
and they really want to know -
although I haven't had a good answer to that for months.
They give me their shoulders.
They give me their hugs.
They give me their homes.
They give me their hearts.

How blessed I am to have these beautiful people in my life!!
I could not survive this without them.
I wouldn't want to.

In My Room...

It has been 31 years since I've had a room of my own
~ well ~

if sharing a room with Klo & Bob counts as my own...

It's really pretty cool.
I'm surprised how girlie it has turned out to be.

I got a bedspread that I've always wanted -

but I thought was too girlie for a couple's room.

I get to take up ALL the space -
everywhere - all the drawers - all the closets - all the dressers. I get the remote - the chair - the lamp - the TV - the tub - the shower - the toilet - the sinks & mirrors... and I get to foof it without regard to what anyone else may or may not like because Klo likes anything I like
& Bob complains about everything anyway. Pretty dang amazing.

I love the feel. I love the smell. I love the light.

Sometimes I wonder why there are even other rooms at all... Then I remember...
so the other people in the house won't be sharing MY room!!!!

A Better Blog

ENOUGH bitching for the moment!

Let me do a better blog....
WOW! There's an idea!
Let's talk about my house!

I *love* my house!



With the help of a wonderful friend -
my own personal Martha Stewart (who I *hate* -
but I don't hate my friend), we are creating a
wonderful space for my family.
We are having *so* much fun!!!



It is so nice to look forward to coming home. I look forward to getting the next room 'done'. I look forward to establishing a routine that doesn't include unpacking. A routine that does include more real-life cleaning, more reading, more movies & a fire in the fireplace, crocheting & making a recipe book. I'm even excited to start working on *all* boxes in the storage shed
until I'm self-contained! I'm excited to have friends & family
come see my new home. It feels so nice to use those words.
My. Home.



I'm considering a housewarming party where people don't *bring* gifts - the requirement is that they *take* something!




I am anxious to move forward in this place. My space.
I look forward to being through all this darkness & pain
- into a healthy, whole & happy life on my own.
May it be so.

cry

Most days I no longer cry on the outside.

Today was not one of those day.

But will there ever be a day when I don't cry on the inside?

Would someone else call this progress??