Today...

I miss my Mother...

50 years & 5 1/2 hours
ago she brought her
11 lb. 2 oz daughter into
the world.

That was her very first
Mother's Day.

With every bridge of my
life that I cross, I understand
& appreciate my mother more.

I never understood the way she looked at that babe until I held my own newborn for
the first time.

I never understood brain-bursting frustration until I tangled with my own moody,
angry teenage daughter.
I never understood her devotion to Justin until Hunter smiled at me for the first time.

I never understood her aching, empty, terrifying hours, days & years until I walked
down my own tortured path so very afraid & alone.

I never understood how she missed her mother - when she called to share that she
had found grandma's negligee' while going through her things, until. . .

I miss my Mother today. For so many
years on this day she got a card or flowers
or a visit from me - wishing her a Happy Mother's Day. I miss her smile. I can
close my eyes & see her face - the last
time she smiled at me. Her face *lit* up
the room, & my heart, that very last time.
I miss her voice. I feel sad for the
times it annoyed me. That she annoyed me.
That I was such a selfish poopish brat...
But - today as my mere existence annoyed
me own precious daughter - I also forgive myself - for it is the way of mothers &
daughters, I'm afraid. And I realized a long time ago... that nobody ever loves you the
way your mother does, & she forgives me too.

I miss my Mother. I am grateful - more grateful all the time.
I wish I could have shared the bridge I crossed today with her.

So...Today...

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! Thanks...
for... everything... I love you!!!